I grew up among strong and independent women.
From my grandmother Lola Kal-ing to my mother and her sisters, up to my own sisters (Manang and Ellen), all of them had jobs and are financially independent of their husbands until some of them choose to stay home to take care of the kids . Some were even breadwinners of their families. Except for my Lola Kal-ing (who was not allowed by her parents to go to school and simply learned to read and write on her own), all of them finished college and had careers as professionals in their chosen field.
Lola Kal-ing is street smart (I wrote something in her epitaph and I really mean it). She ran the family business (fishpond) and was responsible for sending all her children (except the one who refused) to college. I hope someday a great grandchild will study her life and write it because it will be a great story and she deserves it.
Mama took her sense of independence from Lola. As far back as I can remember, it was always my mother who took care of the domestic needs as well as my school-related expenses. My father was always out there - too busy with the countless business schemes that never took off. When I was just a kid, I would often wake in the early dawn because of their arguments mostly about the business ventures of my father. My mother is a very sensible woman and is more prudent on business matters. The problem is my father do not listen to her. I say, if only my father listened to half of what my mother had been telling him, they would have been very rich!
I always believe that women are more logical thinkers than men. Yes, they are generally more emotional and less aggressive in taking charge of things. But those who managed to overcome those weaknesses, always turned out very successful. I always admire successful women, especially those saddled with family life. The odds are stacked against them and society do not expect them to achieve heights higher than their husband's.
Problem with most women is that they still stick to the traditional belief that when they get married, their place is the house - taking care of kids. This is also fueled by the old-fashioned Filipino machismo of their fathers and husbands who often denigrate women to supporting roles. If that's the truth, then we might as well ban women from public colleges and universities because that would be a waste of public funds. Teach them child care and homemaking skills at high school and that should suffice for them!
That anachronistic view of being a supporting role to their husbands is what disadvantaged women in the workplace. If I am the business owner, would you blame me if I am a bit apprehensive in putting more responsibility to somebody who will probably quit her job anytime when her husband tells her to do so or when the demands of our culture forces her to "prioritize" her family over her job? I am not talking here of a few months maternity leave but of permanent dropping out of a career for family reasons. Indeed, that's something for one to ponder before he promotes that performing lady to a demanding managerial position.
My mother managed to pursue graduate studies and became a school principal before she retired. That's some kind of achievement considering the many other concerns (business and domestic) she has to contend with while working. Yes, my mother is not the kind who will maintain a clean and well arranged sala and will not prepare a good well-balanced meal every day, like some households I went to. However, considering the workload she had and many tasks facing her every time she gets home, looking back I can understand. If only she had chosen or been lucky enough to have a more traditional (just their jobs!) kind of life, it would have been easier for all of us.
To succeed, a strong woman needs a stronger partner with a more mature outlook in life. Not necessarily the kind who has the resources to support her but just somebody who believes that she has the same right to excel in her profession as he in his. If she cannot find this person, I think she will be happier and more successful (though lonelier) without one. Nothing is so depressing as the sight of a strong and intelligent woman struggling and stunted under the burden of domestic responsibility. That is the lesson I learned from the strong women I knew.
And this is something that I wish my daughter will, someday, come to ponder seriously.
